MONTY PYTHONS: HOLY GRAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MoreYangThanYin]

OMG I LOVE THIS MOVIE. I'd consider myself an expert as i've seen it so many times. My all time favorite scene is the witch scene. Shes turned me into a NEWT!...I got betta.

[ferret]

The vicious rabbit is better :) THE HOLY HAND GRENADE!!!

[MoreYangThanYin]

Thou shalt count to 3. No more. No less. Thou shall not count to 4 for 4 is 1 more than 3. Thou must not count to 2 unless then preceeding unto 3. 5 is out of the question. And 6 is downright un acceptable. 1 is a must to move onto 3. :D God ive got 2 much time.

[NewBreed]

Its nothing, its just a flesh wound.
But you have no arms.
Come on have at it.

[Spyder]

"Oh Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemy to tiny bits in thy mercy. And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large --"

"skip a bit, Brother"

"And the Lord spake, saying: 'First, thou shalt take out the holy pin. The, thou shalt count to 3. No more, no less. 3 shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be 3. 4 shalt thou not count, niether count thou 2, excepting that thou then proceed to 3. 5 is right out. Once the number 3, being the 3rd number be reached, then lobbest thou thy holy hand grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being not in my sight, shall snuff it'"

"Amen. Right. One.. Two.. FIVE!"

"Three, sir!"

"Three!!"

[Nefarious]

Tower Guard 1: "Where did you get that coconut?"

King Arthur: "We found them."

Tower Guard 1: "Found them!? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!"

King Arthur: "Whadda mean?"

Tower Guard 1: "Well this is a temperate zone."

King Arthur: "The swallow may fly south with the sun. Or the house marching(i think thats what he says?) Or the plummer may seek warmer clims in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land."

Tower Guard 1: "Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?"

King Arthur: "Not at all! They could be carried..."

Tower Guard 1: "What!? A swallow carry a coconut?"

King Arthur: "It could grip it by the husk!"

Tower Guard 1: "Its not a question of where it GRIPS it, its a simple question of weight ratio. A 5 oz. bird cannot carry a 1 pound coconut!"

King Arthur: "Well it doesnt matter! Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the court of camelot is here."

Tower Guard 1: "Listen, in order to maintain air speed velocity a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second right?"

King Arthur: "PLEASE!"

Tower Guard 1: "Am I right?"

King Arthur: "I'm not interested!"

Tower Guard 2: "It could be carried by an african swallow."

Tower Guard 1: "Oh yea, and african swallow maybe, but not a European swallow, thats my point."

Tower Guard 2: "Oh yea, I agree with that."

King Arthur: "Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at camelot!?"

Tower Guard 1: "But then of course, african swallows are non-migratory."

Tower Guard 2: "Ohhh yea. So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway."

Tower Guard 1: "Wait a minute! Suppose 2 swallows carried it together!"

Tower Guard 2: "Noooo, they'd 'ave to have it on a line."

Tower Guard 2: "Well simple! They could use a strand of (something something something)

[Nefarious]

King Arthur: There it is! The bridge of death!

Robin: Oh great...

King Arthur: Look! Theres your man from scene 24.

Robin: What is he doing here?

King Arthur: He is the keeper of the bridge of death. He asks each traveler 5 questions.

Galahad: Three questions...

King Arthur: Three questions... He who answers the 5 questions

Galahad: Three questions

King Arthur: Three questions... may cross in saftey.

Robin: What if you get a question wrong?

King Arthur: Then you are cast into the gorge of eternal perial.

Galahad: Oh, I won't go.

Robin: Whos gonna answer the questions?

King Arthur: Sir Robin.

Robin: Yes?

King Arthur: Brave Sir Robin, you go.

Robin: Hey, I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Lancealot go?

Lancealot: Yes, let me go my liege. I will take him single handed. I shall make a faint to the Northeast...

King Arthur: Nonononono Hang on hang on hang on. Just answer the 5 questions.

Galahad: Three questions.

King Arthur: Threee questions, as best you can. And we shall watch and pray.

Lancealot: I understand my liege.

King Arthur: Good luck! brave sir Lancealot. Gods be with you!

Bridge Keeper: STOP! Whoeth cross the bridge of death answer me these questions 3. annnnd the other side he see.

Lancealot: Ask me the questions bridge keeper, I'm not afraid.

Bridge Keeper: Whaaaat is your name?

Lancealot: My name is Sir Lancealot of Camelot.

Bridge Keeper: Whaaaat is your quest?

Lancealot: To seek the Holy Grail.

Bridge Keeper: Whaaaat is your favorite color!?

Lancealot: Blue!

Bridge Keeper: Right. Off you go.

Lancealot: *pause* ...oh thank you, thank you very much.

Robin: Thats easy!

Bridge Keeper: STOP! Whoeth cross the bridge of death answer me these questions 3. annnnd the other side he see.

Robin: Ask me the questions bridge keeper, I'm not afraid.

Bridge Keeper: Whaaaat is your name?

Robin: My name is Sir Robin of Camelot.

Bridge Keeper: Whaaaat is your quest?

Robin: To seek the Holy Grail.

Bridge Keeper: Whaaaat is the capital of Aciria?

Robin: ... I don't know that! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Bridge Keeper: STOP! Whaaaat is your name?

Galahad: My name is Sir Galahad of Camelot.

Bridge Keeper: Whaaaat is your quest?

Galahad: I seek the Grail.

Bridge Keeper: Whaaaat is your favorite color!?

Galahad: Blue! No, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Bridge Keeper: STOP! Whaaaat is your name?

King Arthur: It is Arthur, King of the Britains!

Bridge Keeper: Whaaaat is your quest?

King Arthur: To seek the Holy Grail.

Bridge Keeper: Whaaaat is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

King Arthur: What do you mean, african or european swallow?

Bridge Keeper: I... I... I don't know that. AHHHHHHHHHHH

BediberHow do you know so much about swallows?

King Arthur: Well you have to know these things when you're king you know.

[Spyder]

rofl, that was a great scene...

[Nefarious]

which one?

[Spyder]

the bridge

[Nefarious]

ok, i might post more later

[MoreYangThanYin]

Bridge sceen kicked @$$!!! Next best is Rabbit Scene then Bring out yer Dead scene.
WheelBarrelMan: Bring out yer deeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaad! Bring out yer deeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaad!
Peasant 1: Alright Alright here ya go.
Peasant 2: I'm not dead yet.
WBM: Sir i dont think hes quite dead yet.
P1: Oh Don't be silly hes deathly sick.
P2: No i'm not.
P1: Oh dont lie your near death as you speak.
P2: No really i think i can walk.
ect. I dunno if the lines are exactly the same but you get the jist :)

[Nefarious]

Bridge sceen kicked @$$!!! Next best is Rabbit Scene then Bring out yer Dead scene.

liar! the coconut is 3rd best

[[NAKED] Young DVP]

You STUPID English k-NIG-it-s! I wave my private parts in your general direction!

[4matic]

for some reason i have never enjoyed this film. i mean it was funny but i just didnt like it. and i am a fan of british humor. Faulty Towers is the best. if you havent seen them do your self a favor.

[Nefarious]

(Not really sure of the guys name, but whatever)


Crowd: A WITCH! A WHICH!!! BURN HER! WE GOT A WITCH!!!
Peasant 1: We found the witch, may we burn her?
Bedimer: How do you know she's a witch?
Peasant 2: ...She looks like one!
Bedimer: Bring her forward.
Woman: I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!
Bedimer: B... but you are dressed as one.
Woman: They dressed me up like this.
Crowd: nooooo, no we didn't, no we didnt.
Woman: and this isn't my nose, it's a false one!
Bedimer: Well?
Peasant 1: Well we did do the nose.
Bedimer: The nose?
Peasant 1: and the hat... but she's a witch!
Crowd: YEA! BURN HER! BURN HER!
Bedimer: Did you dress her up like this?
Crowd: no, noooo, no no, nooooo, noo
Peasant 1: yes.
Peasant 2: yes.
Peasant 3: yea, yea, yes.
Peasant 1: a bit.
Peasant 2: a bit.
Peasant 3: a bit.
Peasant 2: a bit.
Peasant 1: She 'as got a wart.
Bedimer: What makes you think she's a witch?
Peasant 3: she turned me into a newt!
Bedimer: a newt?
Peasant 3: .................. i got better...
Peasant 2: ... BURN HER ANYWAY!
Crowd: BURN HER!
Bedimer: Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
Peasant 1: Are there? What are they? tell us!
Peasant 2: DO THEY HURT!?
Bedimer: Tell me, what do you do with witches?
Crowd: BURN THEM!
Bedimer: And what do you burn apart from witches?
Peasant 1: MORE WITCHES!
Peasant 2: .......... wood!
Bedimer: So, why do witches burn?
Peasant 3: B................................................. ...........cuz they're made of... wood?
Bedimer: gooooooood.
Crowd: ooohhh yesss...
Bedimer: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
Peasant 1: Build a bridge out of 'er!
Bedimer: ahhhh... but can you not alway make bridges out of stone?
Peasant 1 and crowd: oh yea... yes...uhhhhhh
Bedimer: Does wood sink in water?
Peasant 1: no
Peasant 2: no
Peasant 1: no
Peasant 2: it floats!
Peasant 1: Throw her into the pond!
Bedimer: What also floats in water?
Peasant 1: BREAD!
Peasant 2: APPLES!
Peasant 3: VERY SMALL ROCKS!
Peasant 1: CIDER!
Peasant 2: GRAVY
Peasant 1: Cherries!
Peasant 2: Mugs!
Peasant 3: CHURCHES! CHURCHES!
Peasant 2: LEAD! LEAD!
King Arthur: DUCK!
Crowd: oooouuuuuuhhhh
Bedimer: Exactly! So, logically, if...
Peasant 1: She... weighs the same, as a duck... she's made of wood!
Bedimer: And therefore...
Peasant 2: ... A WITCH!
Crowd: A WITCH! A WITCH! A WITCH!
Bedimer: We shall use my largest scales.

[Nefarious]

Arthur: Explain again how sheeps bladders can be imployed to prevent earthquakes.

[Nefarious]

Young DVP]You STUPID English k-NIG-it-s! I wave my private parts in your general direction!

its fart, not "wave my private parts" and he says something before it, but i dont feel like typing in out.

[Nefarious]

Its nothing, its just a flesh wound.
But you have no arms.
Come on have at it.

**Arthur cuts his arm off**
Arthur: Now stand aside worthy advisary.
Knight: Tiss but a scratch
Arthur: A SCRATCH!? YOUR ARMS OFF!
Knight: No it isnt.
Arthur: Well whats that then!?
Knight: I've 'ad worse
Arthur: YOU LIAR!
Knight: COME ON you pansy!
**Start fighting again and Arthur cuts off his other arm**
Arthur: Victory is mine! We thank thee lord, that in thy merc...
**Knight kicks Arthur**
Knight: Come on then.
Arthur: WHAT!?
Knight: Have at you! *kicks Arhtur*
Arthur: You are indeed brave sir knight, but the fight is mine.
Knight: Ooooohhhh, had enough ehh?
Arthur: Look you stupid bastard, you got no arms left!
Knight: Yes I have.
Arthur: LOOK!
Knight: Just a flesh wound. *kicks arthur*
Arthur: STOP THAT
Knight: Chicken! *kicks arthur* Chicken!
Arthur: Look, I'll 'ave your leg!
*kicks arthur*
Arthur: RIGHT! *cuts off one of the knights legs*
Knight: Right, I'll do you for that!
Arthur: YOU'LL WHAT!?
Knight: COME 'ERE!
Arthur: What are you gonna do!? BLEED on me!?
Knight: I'm invinceable!
Arthur: You're a lunny.
Knight: The black night always triumphs! HAVE AT YOU! Come on then!
*Arthur cuts his other leg off*
Knight: Wha... Alright, we'll call it a draw.
Arthur: Come Patsy.
Knight: OH I SEE! RUNNING AWAY EHH!? YOU YELLOW BASTARDS! COME BACK HERE AND TAKE WHATS COMIN TO YA! I'LL BITE YOUR LEGS OFF!

[[NAKED] Young DVP]

Young DVP]You STUPID English k-NIG-it-s! I wave my private parts in your general direction!

its fart, not "wave my private parts" and he says something before it, but i dont feel like typing in out.Ok, you may be right. but "wave my private parts (or 'privates') is in there somewhere.

[Spyder]

heehee, lets not quibble over details! the movie was hilarious, end of story!

[Zantas]

i so need to see this....

[[NAKED] Young DVP]

What??!! You've never seen it?!! OMG! Dude, then you've probably never seen 'The Meaning of Life" either. Get that one too!

[Low-Light]

Someone get the Quote with the peasants moving Poop!

[Nefarious]

i thought about it, but they use a lot of big words.

[Zantas]

k i watched it and omg so funny :D :D

[NewBreed]

Life of Brian is where its at :P